Are We Over-Parenting Today?

This comes from the best intentions.  We all want to jump in and shelter our children from harm and sometimes, that is exactly what they need.  However, there are times when it is important for our children to build skills and learn how to advocate for themselves; when we step in too much, it can disempower our children. We see this sometimes in the psychology field and as much as I would like a magic wand that strengthens a child’s resilience in just one session with the school psychologist, that’s not how it works.  It builds over time with support at home and school.  Dr. Siggie has some wise advice in her latest blog: https://drsiggie.com/blog/are-we-doing-too-much-for-our-kids/.

How Doing Less Can Help Your Child Grow More; By Dr. Siggie Cohen on July 15.

“Do you ever wonder if you’re doing too much for your child? Solving too many problems? Explaining every detail? Negotiating every moment? If you find yourself constantly fixing, suggesting, stepping in to smooth things over, or negotiating, you may be caught in a pattern of over-parenting. And you’re not alone. Today’s parenting emphasises emotional awareness, empathy, and attunement – all wonderful and necessary shifts. 

We listen to our children’s feelings, validate their experiences, and aim to be responsive, not reactive. But in our sincere efforts to support them, we sometimes overdo it. We over-accommodate. We over-explain. We over-negotiate. We over-fix. And despite our best intentions, this constant intervention can leave both you and your children feeling drained, frustrated, and disconnected. And it can leave your child lacking necessary life skills.  The question we need to ask ourselves is: are we no longer allowing our children to struggle and face challenges?

Are We Helping Or Hindering? It’s natural to want to help our children, especially when we see them struggling. But here’s the truth: If we don’t allow our children to face discomfort, we take away the very moments that build resilience. From a missing shoe to a fight with a friend, daily challenges are opportunities for growth – if we allow them to be. Here’s 2 practical examples:

Your child says they’re bored. Instead of immediately offering 3 activities or rushing to entertain them, you can pause and say: “I hear you. Boredom doesn’t feel good. Take some time to think about it and I bet you’ll come up with something to do.” 

Or they’re upset about a class presentation. Instead of saying, “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” try: “You’re nervous – that totally makes sense. What part feels hardest? How do you want to prepare?”

These everyday moments are powerful teaching opportunities. Not for perfect answers, but for helping your child build their own problem-solving muscles.”

For more tips and scripts, follow Dr. Siggie on FB or Instagram, or subscribe to her newsletter.  Print out your favourite scripts and stick them on the fridge or inside the pantry. We’re building these skills too. ?

Cheryl